


I Wanted So Badly To Be Brave

by wifiisoff



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Abusive Past, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Physical Abuse, Resolved Conflicts, Slow Build, Tension (sexual?), Violence, completing trials, fights scenes, heaps of angst, no sex (yet), post season twelve, slight AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2018-12-09 00:08:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11657523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wifiisoff/pseuds/wifiisoff
Summary: Sam's been cursed and the only way to save him is for Castiel and Dean to form a blood-bond, share minds and complete trials together. Dean doesn't know the true sacrifice Cas is making to save his brother until it's too late.





	1. palm reader

'...A Griffin feather and the bones of a righteous man.' Dean counted the ingredients one last time before he started to dig the hole. 'So it's like a cheap cross-roads demon type spell?' He asked as Cas carefully put the ingredients into the wooden box.

'Partly yes, but there's more than one step. We need to bond to each other for it to fully work. Then there's the trials.' Cas mumbled slightly as he leaned down into the soil and gently placed the box into the hole. With a swipe of his hand the blood sigil lit up then faded away.

'What's the next step?' Dean asked looking up into the angel's eyes.

'The handshake to bond us. It's like blood brothers. I'll cut mine then you cut yours. We shake hands and it creates a pact. Forever.' Cas in his deep tone as he reached into his coat for his angel-blade.

'Yeah, dude. I know how it works.' Dean chuckled at his friend and leaned his weight back against the Impala with a sigh. 'You go slide and dice, I'll be ready.' He grunted and waited.

Cas rolled up his left sleeve and pulled his palm out face-up. With a slight wince he pulled the blade across his fate line and went to hand the blade to Dean.

'Uh, I'd rather not get AID's.' Dean commentated as he reached into his boot and pulled out an old army surplus blade and took a step closer to the angel. He repeated the action, only with less of a wince and more of a grunt. 

Cas put his hand out for Dean to shake. The two made brief eye-contact before connecting their hands and holding for a few moments. Cas involuntarily shivered and huffed air out his nose, his blood was never as warm as he expected. 

Dean was the first to pull away from the embrace. He reached into the car for a rag and started tying it around his palm before Cas took a step forward and gently touched his forehead, instantly sealing the wound again.

'Thanks. So that's it then?' He asked, whipping off the blade and tucking it back in his boot. 

'That's all the spell's instructions. Yes.' Cas said and looked around the clearing. It wasn't as cold as it normally was this time of year. Being around for thousands of years, living the same seasons may have been tiring to some but Cas loved the leaves falling off the trees and the smell of the rain.

'You ready to hit the road? It's sixteen hours back to Kansas.' Dean grunted halting the angel's thoughts with a jolt.

Cas only nodded and made his way to the back door and slid in without a word.

'Shotgun?' Dean asked pressing his right arm against the seat, gaining him leverage as he turned around.

'That's where Sam sits.' Was all he said before looking down at the beige interior remorsefully.

'Well he's not sitting here now.' Dean assured with an empty smile.

'And whose fault is that?' Cas commented with a frown.

'You gotta stop beating yourself up over it. We've been through worse. Hell, he's been possessed by the devil himself. He can spend a couple days in bed watching crappy re-runs.' Dean said as he started the engine. 'Now get up here so I don't have to shout to your sorry ass.' 

Cas nodded to himself and made his way around the Impala to the passenger side.

'Now, tell me the next stage of this spell.' Dean pursed his lips and did a u-turn in the clearing.

'We have buried the box, that can't be touched until the trials are over. We've bonded our blood. So, according to the spell, when we sleep tonight the trials will start.' Cas shut his eyes and opened them again with a pained expression.

'It's gonna have to be a motel job. That work?' Dean asked as they pulled onto the freeway, Led Zeppelin softly playing through the cassette player.

'As long as we are both asleep at the same time, then the trials can start to take place.' Cas explained as Dean grunted a reply and kicked up the speed. 

\--

Eight hours in Dean decided that it was time to pull over to 'refill the tank, of both the car and himself.' Cas agreed. 

'You should loosen up though dude. Loose the coat, maybe get laid again.' Dean joked as he patted his friend before pushing the door open and stepping into the cool Illinois evening grinning to himself.

'What's funny?' Cas asked as he looked over the roof of the car with a small smile himself.

'Nothing. It's just nice that it's just us again. Like back at the Gas & Sip when you didn't have your wings.' Dean joked and made his way to the small diner. 'Dude, that's got to be the worst date in history!'

'It was rather humorous, yes. It was an experience. One I would not like to re-live.' The shorter man agreed as they both took a seat at the nearest booth.

'Hello, can I take your order?' A young waitress came over and asked, immediately catching Dean's eye. 

'Hey there sweetheart. I'll have the bacon and cheese burger with a side of fries. Black coffee.' He finished with a wink as the waitress blushed and scribbled on the note-pad.

'And for you, Sir?' The waitress asked turning to Castiel.

'Uh, just a coffee. Thank you.' He smiled politely up at the woman as he nodded and went to get their food. 

'So, what's going to happen in these trials?' Dean asked moving in closer in the booth and leaning forward slightly, his green eyes catching blue ones before swallowing.

'According to the spell, it'll be a mission to complete. We may have to fight certain monsters or re-live our worst experiences.' Cas finished as the waitress returned with their order.

'Will that be all?' She asked looking only at Dean with a coy smile. 

'That's all for now, sweetcheeks.' Dean smirked and watched as he made her way back to her station. Damn those trials.

'Okay, so we mojo up some weapons, fight some s.o.b's. Job done.' Dean tilted his head with a cheeky grin.

'It won't be that easy.' Cas placed his coffee cup back on the table and took a shaky breath. 'We'll be sharing each other's brain, almost, we'll be sharing thoughts, and past events, feelings. Everything.' He finished and looked over to Dean who was smirking again. 

'So kinda like Pacific Rim, with the robots?' He asked taking a bite out of his burger.

'I don't understand that reference. If one of us is compromised then the other must take control. It won't be easy Dean, you understand. There will be four trials.' 

'Okay, let's finish up here, then straight on till morning.' Dean gave Cas a 100 watt smile as the pair finished off their meal and made their way to the cheap motel room.


	2. cardinals

Dean unlocked the motel room door with a stagger. Castiel followed with slight apprehension.

'I was going to go for the California King but thought two doubles would save us both any awkward moments.' Dean chuckled and placed his duffel bag onto the closest bed to the door. 

'That would not have been...favourable. Thank you.' Cas mumbled as he made his way to the other bed, sitting down and taking off his shoes and trench coat.

'He shows himself!' Dean joked '-thought that jacket was sowed to you or something.' He smiled at his friend who smiled back equally as bright. The two men's eyes caught and lingered for a few seconds before returning to the room around then.

'What's on the cards for entertainment then?' Dean asked, changing the subject. 'There's got to be some porn around here somewhere.' Dean bent down to the nightstand and pulled open the draw searching for the room-service options.

'Would it not be best if we focused on the trials we'll be facing?' Cas asked, moving more onto the bed, his feet dangling in the air as he frowned at Dean.

'Uh yeah, sure. I've handled trials before. This ain't my first rodeo Castiel. We'll get Sam back to normal; back in time for pie.' Dean grinned.

He walked into the motel's bathroom, took a large breath and tried to steady his nerves, truth be told he wasn't confident about the trials. It was hard enough convincing Castiel that everything was going to be fine when he was having serious doubts himself. 

He looked in the mirror, staring back at him was a man he could barely recognise. After another shaky breath he started to think of the past, again, remembering back all those years ago, having to take care of Sammy, that was his job, grab a gun and always lock the door. Big brother dean, take two. 

Dean looked away from the mirror and down into the old sink. 'Get it together man. He needs you.' He sighed to himself and turned around to unlock the door.

Castiel was sat on the bed, his arms tucked behind his head in a casual manner. A lazy smile at his lips. 'Is everything okay, Dean?' He asked, sitting up on the bed carefully.

'Yeah, just great. Let's get the show on the road.' Dean grunted and went to go sit on his own bed. 'You gonna be able to sleep?' He asked, tossing off his jacket and shoes before getting under the cheap motel blankets.

'I believe so.' Cas assured with another smile before tucking himself under the blankets, albeit a little stiff but still comfortable.

'Will we have to find each other or..?' Dean asked trialing off slightly.

'Yes. However, our bond will make it easier to locate each other. Like when you and Sam were in taken to Heaven by Zachariah, we will have to find each other, but it should be easy. ' Cas said with a nod and a look over to Dean who also nodded in understanding.

'Okay, well roll on trials, I guess.' He joked with a shaky breath.

Cas noticed Dean's apprehension. 'Whatever happens in the trials. It's not real. They'll only be memories, past experiences.' He reassured his friend.

'What happens if one of us gets hurt? Hell, what if we get killed?' Dean asked, showing his true feelings.

'I don't know. I suggest we aim to not get killed.' He looked down solemnly, almost guilty.

'I'm Dean Winchester, I've died at least a hundred times; that ain't happening again. You're preaching to the converted.' Dean smiled over at his friend. Their eyes catching again, a slightly pleading look in Dean's green eyes as he released a pained smile. 'Let's go gank this bitch.' He smirked and quickly turned over in the bendy bed, the springs stretching and creaking as he settled himself.

'See you on the other side, Dean.'

'You too Castiel.' 

\--

It didn't take Dean long before he was asleep, the eight hour drive really taking it out on him. When he woke up in the dream world it didn't seem far from a normal dream. For a start it was night, the air had a slight chill, but nothing a good jacket couldn't fix. Dean steadied himself and looked around. There were a lot of trees, he was in the woods. The trees seemed to dip and bend around him, shadows were cast on the ground they almost looked like tall bony men with extra long arms draping around him.

Cas. Dean shook his head and looked around. He was there to find his friend and save Sam.

Turning in the light of the moon Dean started to walk towards a clearing in the woods. 'Cas!?' He called, picking up his pace and looking around more. 'Castiel? Where are you?' He called, his breathing starting to pick up more with the added adrenaline through his veins.

Getting a bit frantic Dean closed his eyes and rubbed his temples with his rough hands. He knew he should have found out more about the spell; more about the trials. 

'Dean?' A voice asked from somewhere in the distance.

'Sam?' Dean questioned, more to himself than to anyone else. 'Sammy, is that you?' He repeated and started to jog towards the voice.

Dean rounded the clearing and made his way past a large bush. Stood facing the in the other direction was Sam. He turned and noticed his older brother. With a boyish smile he sauntered over and grabbed his arm gently.

'What're you doing here? Dean asked, not fully understanding what was happening. 'Where's Cas?' He asked in a slightly more pressing tone. 

Sam's eyebrows moved closer together as he shook his head. 'We need to go.' Was all he said before he started to walk away, his hand still pulling on Dean's arm.

'I'm not going anywhere without Cas.' Dean grunted and shrugged off his younger brother's hand. 'Cas?!' He called and started to look around. 'Where are you, you son of a bitch.' He looked up into the sky and closed his eyes again, wanting nothing more to see those blue eyes.

'Who's Cas?' Sam asked, taking a step back.

'He's-Sam, come on!' Dean huffed as he looked up at this brother in frustration. 'You know Cas. Douchebag with wings.' He smiled for a beat of a second before hardening his stare at his brother.

'Is this part of the game?' Sam asked, sounding innocent.

'Wha-no! What game?' Dean questioned, his eyes still darting left and right in search of his friend.

'Take this.' Sam started, turning around and handing Dean a crudely fashioned bow and arrow, rubber bands and spray paint holding it together. Dean frowned and looked over at his brother who was already in a fighting stance.

'A memory.' Dean sighed at this realisation. June 1993, they spent days between hunts taking on invisible woodland creatures. Sam was just a kid really, but it was better to fight off fake fairies then to actually be fighting off real ghosts. 

Dean shook his head and put on a somewhat fake smile. 'Okay, I'll play, but we've gotta find my friend first. It's really important okay Sammy?' Dean asked, easily slipping into the role of playful big brother. 

Sam nodded eagerly. 'Okay Dean. His name's Cas?' Sam asked smiling as he turned around and started to search for the aforementioned friend.

'Yeah, Castiel.' Dean confirmed. 'Just, I don't know, call out for him, look around.' He finished and started to move around the trees, the shadows making it difficult to make out a trench coat, if there was one.

'Cas? Castiel?!' Sam called as he held out his bow and arrow, ready to fight off anything that would attack his brother.

'Sam? Dean?' Cas' gruff voice called out nearby. 

'Thank fuck.' Dean sighed before running over to greet his friend.

'Where the hell were you dude? I thought that blood-bond was meant to make us find each other.' Dean complained looking back into his friends eyes. He wasn't as angry as he was coming off to be, he was more worried than he would be willing to admit.

'Given the size of the expanse that we're in. We found each other quickly. The blood-bond made it easier. I would advise you don't doubt me next time.' Cas said before looking over at Sam. 'That's not Sam. Not modern Sam anyway.' He informed an already knowing Dean who just nodded.

'Yeah. It's June 1993 Sam in modern Sam's body. Is this part of the trial?' Dean asked raising his bow into the air to empathise his point.

Cas partly nodded before speaking. 'Yes, the first trial is to do with the spell's subject. So in this case 1993 Sam.' He finished and smiled reassuringly at the youngest brother.

'So what we doing? Playing the game?' Dean asked, taking a step closer to Sam, patting his arm gently as they stood shoulder to shoulder.

'Yes.' Was all Cas said before turning to Sam and politely asking if he could also have a bow and arrow. 

'Sure thing. Be careful, it's got hell of a kick.' Sam smiled over at the angel. 'So you're Dean's friend? He's never mentioned you before..' Sam trialed off, a bit confused.

'He's a new friend.' Dean stepped in and clapped his right hand against the angel's left shoulder. 'But we're very close.' He finished and looked over to see Sam nodding, a small smirk plastered onto his innocent face.

'So, what we doing with these weapons Sammy?' Dean asked shaking the bow in his hand.

'It's only a two player game Dean. So you and your friend should play and I'll watch. I'll be the chief.' Sam looked down at the two men and and shuffled on his feet.

'And for my friend here-' Dean paused and jerked his thumb over to Cas, 'remind him of the rules.' He was secretly proud of himself for easily slipping in the instructions.

'Shoot whatever you can. Get to the flag. Don't get murdered.' Sam said before sinking back into the woods farther.

'Hey!' Dean called taking a step closer to where Sam's body mysteriously vanished to.

'He's gone Dean.' Cas said coming in closer and waving his arrow around slightly. 'We need to complete this trial.' He pressed, looking over at Dean who nodded.

'Yeah, Cas.' He coughed out and reached for an arrow to place into his bow. 'So, you know the rules, let's get that flag.' Dean smirked slightly and looked over to see Cas looking worriedly at the ground.

Dean immediately took a step closer to the angel and patted his back. 'What's wrong?' He asked carefully.  
Cas shuffled and took a small step away from Dean. 'It's my fault we're in this mess, you shouldn't have to deal with this. Shouldn't have to deal with me.' He bit the inside of his mouth and looked impossibly lower to the ground.

'Hey, come on. Sam released Lucifer from hell, he kick started the apocalypse. I voluntarily took on the Mark of Cain. We're the real fuck ups here.' Dean joked with a remorseful undertone. 'Yet, we've always managed to sort out our messes, not matter what. We're still kicking, thanks to you. Christ sake, you dragged us both outta hell. Where would we be without you?' Dean asked moving back closer to the angel before continuing. '-You and I, we're protectors from all the evil in the world.' Dean smiled before mumbling, 'You weren't born my brother but you're gonna die that way.' Before waving his bow gently. 

'You'll always be family Dean.' Cas agreed before raising his bow and taking a step in front of Dean, to somewhat protect him. Cas knew that if push came to shove he would always be willing to lay down his life of the Winchesters. Especially Dean.

Both men looked at each other before bumping shoulders and pushing themselves into the clearing. It was dead silent, not even a whisper from the leaves. Dean shivered slightly as he looked around for any signs of life. 'Where..?' Dean trialed off, not seeing anything.

Cas suddenly pushed down the back of Dean's neck, effectively pushing them both to the floor. 'Wha-?' Dean started. 'Shut up.' Cas replied as an arrow shot right past their heads. 'Stay low.'

Cas rolled over, his back flat against the cold grass floor, his bow up and arrow pointed in the direction of the attack. Without real aim he shot an arrow and partly just hoped it would it hit someone, something, just to prove that he was quite so hopeless as he thought himself to be.

His arrow shot right through the air and ended up hitting something, releasing a burst of red smoke and a harsh sizzle. 'Nice job man!' Dean commentated and Cas felt himself fill with pride.

'I'm gonna move left, you go right, circle back and find the flag.' Dean puffed out a breath and moved onto his back, staying low and he almost comically shuffled along the wet grass over to a nearby tree. 'Be careful.' He mumbled as Cas nodded and moved right to crouch behind a bush.

Dean had his left shoulder up against the tree and his right arm holding on the bow, the arrow draw and ready to fire at the slightest movement. There was a rustle to his left, he pivoted himself and released the bow. Sam was right, there was hell of a kick, so much so that he tumbled backwards and caught his leg on a tree root that was stuck out the ground. 'Son of a bitch.' He lightly cursed before looking around to see where whatever it was he had previously been shooting at went. There was another rustle, closer this time, he quickly put an arrow back in the bow and shot up at the sound, a large red cloud of smoke sizzled away in front of him as he rolled over onto his stomach and moved farther around the trees.

From his position behind the bush Cas could see movement in the trees a few feet ahead. With an air of confidence he pulled back his arrow and shot directly ahead. There was no smoke, he missed. With a grimace he reached for another arrow and moved around the bush to get a better view. A large smacking sound of leaves moving caught his attention before an arrow came flying straight towards him. Without moving to duck he turned around and shot his arrow back in the direction of the attack. There was a cloud of red smoke and an almost mocking sizzle. 

The arrow had lodged it's into Cas' bow pulling arm. He groaned loudly and sank down against a tree trunk. The blood poured out his arm as he realised that he wasn't invincible here, an angel blade wouldn't be needed to take him down. A daunting feeling of panic rose in his chest and he willed himself to stand and move to save Dean. 

Dean released his arrow and saw another cloud of red smoke, he didn't know why he and Sam hadn't used bows and arrows since, they weren't only effective as hell, but they were fun as well. He reached into his quiver for another arrow when his heart almost stopped. He didn't have any arrows left. 'Just my luck..' He mumbled to himself as he looked around for the flag. Between two tree trunks there was a large red flag strewn out on the grass, the area seemed to be empty. Dean went to take a step forward before he thought better of himself and turned around to find Cas first.

Cas propped himself against another tree trunk for a brief second to breathe. The arrow's head was buried deep within his right arm, the pain was spreading up his arm and into his chest. If only he could find Dean. 

'Cas?' An apprehensive voice called out a few feet away as Cas made a groaning sound in the back of his throat. 'Dean! Here!' He replied, struggling to brace himself any longer.

Dean ran over, sweat dripping off his forehead. His smile falling straight off his face as he saw just how wrecked Cas was. 'Cas?' He questioned, not sure what he wanted the answer to be.

'I can't use my powers here.' He paused, 'Where's the flag?' He asked just as Dean grabbed hold of his lapels to stable him. 

'It's about thirty foot behind me, we gotta move fast. Do you have anymore arrows, I'm all out..' Dean looked over his shoulder as a rustle came from the trees. 'Not now.' He angrily mumbled as he reached over to grab an arrow from Cas' quiver. 

Without any delay he hooked the arrow into his bow and fired off, there was another cloud of red smoke. 'Come on, I've got you.' Dean grunted, slipping Cas' right arm over his left shoulder as they both hobbled over to where the flag was. 

'I-I'm sorry.' Cas grumbled as Dean practically dragged him through the woods. 'I let you down.' He continued, his self-doubt overpowering him.

'Cas, come on. We can do this. We got through Purgatory together, we've got this.' Dean assured as he rounded a tree and caught the light from the flag in the clearly.

Cas mumbled to himself as the pain from the arrow wound became almost too much to bear. 'Leave me here, go get the flag.' He urged and pushed Dean forward slightly.

'You're not gonna die like this.' Dean almost shouted as he pulled Cas off the floor and walked them both into the clearing. Without even thinking of the consequences he pulled Cas down and took a dive for the flag. His right arm holding his friend close to his body, his left just inches away.

'Cas, make yourself useful would ya. Grab the damn thing!' He thrashed and heaved Cas further up his body so he could reach the flag. The moment the angel's fingers came into contact with the cloth there was a bright white light, enough to almost blind Dean as he pulled his arms up and cover his face.

-

Dean was the first to wake up, his body freezing cold and aching. He quickly sat up and looked over at Cas. Blood was soaking the bed from where the arrow had hit him. 'Castiel! Wake up!' He shouted and stood up, ready for action. As his friend stirred he grabbed his duffel bag and pulled out a cheap bottle of scotch. 

Cas sat up and groaned, his hand instantly flying to his wound. 'Dean..I-I can't use my grace to heal myself. ' He trialed off looking over at the hunter. 

'I've got you, I'm here.' Dean said, coming over and handing his friend the scotch. 'Drink that I'll get you sown up.' He smiled a sad smile and went back to his bag, pulling out an old rag, a sowing needle and some thick cotton. 'I said drink it.' Dean said more sternly and pressed the glass up against Cas' lips with a scowl.

Dean bend down next to the bed and went to roll up Cas' sleeve but then shook his head and groaned. 'Take off your shirt, I can't get to the wound.' He gritted his teeth and helped the angel to remove his shirt before he could help stitch him up. 

After silently admiring the angel's creamy body for a few seconds Dean shook his head and steadied himself. Dipping the rag into some scotch he dabbed the wound lightly to clean it out, all while Cas was gritting his teeth and moving back and forth on the bed. 'Keep still' Dean kept repeating as he grabbed the needle and thread. After a few seconds of hassle with the cotton he finally started to sow the wound shut. 'It's messy, but you'll live.' Dean commented as he sat back on his heals and looked over at his friend. 

'Thank you, Dean.' Cas said before carefully slipping his shirt, jacket and coat back on before reaching for his shoes to complete his standard look. 

'Always. Couldn't let you die. So you're human when we're doing trials?' Dean questioned, also slipping on his jacket and packing up his duffel bag.

'Apparently so. When we leave the trial-world whatever injuries we have will go with us.' Cas finished and looked over to Dean who made a 'not bad' type face with his eyebrows raised. 

'We can talk about this in the car. It's still eight hours back to Kansas.' Dean smiled and twirled the keys to the Impala in his hand. 

-

After leaving Springfield, Illinois it was a straight trip back through Missouri then right on to Kansas, they would be home around three pm. Dean stretched and turned on the radio as Cas shuffled and moved his long legs around in the front seat.

'So,' Dean began, 'did we complete the first trial?'

'Yes, we should call Sam and see how he's feeling.' Cas said as looked over at Dean who shrugged in agreement.

'Sure.' He smiled and reached into his pocket to pull out his phone. 'You call him.' He grunted and passed the phone over to Cas. Cas nodded and dialled the number. Sam answered instantly. 

'Hey.' Came a cheery voice down the line.

'Hello Sam.' Cas said in his gruff tone. 'How are you feeling?' He asked.

'Really good, better than yesterday. How'd the hunt go?' He questioned.

'The hunt went well, we took down a whole nest of vamps!' Dean shouted down the line.

Cas' eyebrow's met on his forehead. They didn't fight any vampires.

'Alright well, we're just passing through Cameron, Missouri so we'll be back in about four hours. Start making something to eat.' Dean huffed and hung up the phone.

'Dean?' Cas questioned carefully, 'Why did you lie to Sam?' 

Dean ran his hand through his hair then gripped the steering wheel. 'He doesn't know he's cursed, he just thinks he's a bit sick. Doesn't know he's meant to die in a week. As far as I'm concerned he can keep thinking that we're ganking vamps, demons, whatever.' He grunted and turned up the radio. 'Just sit back and don't worry, we'll be home soon.'


	3. the bluest things on earth

'Cas wake up!' Dean's gruff voice echoed through the Imapla. 'We're almost there.' He finished before frowned in realisation. 'Thought angel's didn't need sleep?' He questioned with a slight jest in his tone.

Cas groaned and stretched out across the leather seat. 'We don't.' Was all he said before bowing his head and looking at the car's floor. 

Dean frowned but didn't look into his friends actions too deeply, Castiel had always been a bit strange, that just came with being an angel, but damn he was the best friend Dean had ever had. 'It's only twenty miles now. Sam called when you were out, said he's ordered in pizza's for us. If you want to join that is.' 

Cas nodded more to himself than anyone else. 'I would love to join your brother and you.' He looked over, catching Dean's eyes briefly before looking back to the road.

'Good. It's nice having you around. Not on the back-burner.' Dean brought his hand back up to his hair and ran it through before continuing. 'You sticking around after Sam's cured?' He asked almost hesitant to the reaction.

Cas shuffled in his seat before taking a breath. 'I will do my best.' He smiled sadly as if he knew more than he was giving away he sighed and resumed looking our the window.

Dean moved his arm back to press along the seat and pushed his foot harder against the gas pedal. 'Heaven been quiet lately, huh?' He asked turning off the highway down a side road. 'There doesn't seem to be any..fallings out. With Lucifer out of the frame.' Dean commented in an airy voice.

'And yet God has not returned.' Cas grumbled turning to face Dean in his seat. His eyebrows knitting together as he placed his palms flat against his thighs.

'You know Chuck; he works in mysterious ways..' Dean offered with a small smile. He had lost faith in God many years ago. 'You're not the only one with father trouble, Cas.' Dean laughed bitterly.

'He refuses to fix his problems, the problems that he caused.' Cas spoke with his nose crinkled, distaste in his tone. 'I may be an..' he paused for air quotes with his hands '..angel of the lord, but he was no father to me' 

Dean bit his lip in thought before choosing his words carefully. 'When have we ever needed him anyway. We fixed the apocalypse, we took down the devil, and we saved people.' Dean finished and smiled in the mirror at his friend. 

Cas nodded. 'I suppose you're right Dean. Although, your bond with John was a lot stronger than mine with God.' He rubbed the back of his neck and spoke casually, as if it wasn't a chat about absent fathers. 

'Yeah well, yours has a whole load more to answer for then mine does.' He said with a quick smile as he turned the Impala off to a b-road towards the bunker. 

Dean loosened his hold on the steering wheel before adopting a more serious tone. 'The cover story is we took down a vamps nest in Morgantown, West Virginia. A vamp had an angel blade, managed to clip you. Somehow. We stopped off in Springfield, Illinois to patch you up, then straight back. Okay?' Dean asked, his dominant tone coming across as he told the false story. 

Cas nodded along. 'Will Sam believe that?' He asked seeing plot holes in the story.

'He's cursed, it'll go right over his head.' Dean said as the friends pulled up to the bunker. Dean cut the engine and took his belt off. He turned to Cas and bit the inside of his cheek before speaking. 'Are you okay?' He asked.

Cas went to shake his head but thought better of himself. He was doing this for the Winchesters, it had been his fault, he had to be the one to put it right again. 'Yes, just hurting from the arrow.' He said as Dean looked at him sceptically. 'From the vamp's angel blade.' He corrected as Dean nodded.

'That's my boy. Come on.' He said before getting out the car and walking around to steady Cas back into the bunker.

'Sam? Sammy?' Dean called as they both made their way down the metal steps into the war room.

'Here!' A voice called out as Sam emerged from one of the hallways, a large red blanket was draped across his shoulder as he carefully stepped into the room.

'How you holding up?' Dean asked walking over to his little brother, pulling his blanket on him more securely as he guided him over to a chair. Big brother Dean mode in full force.

'Not too bad, like I said, better than yesterday. How'd the hunt go?' Sam asked as he reached for a pizza box and pulled out a slice for himself. 

'There were more than we expected. Cas got attacked but we've faced worse.' Dean huffed as he lowered himself into the nearest chair and reached for a slice of pizza.

'You okay Castiel?' Sam asked watching as the angel swayed slightly before sitting opposite the brothers. 

'Just worn out from the vamps' Cas said with a small smile. 'Beer?' He asked, standing up again and making his way to the kitchen in search of the bottles.

'He really okay?' Sam asked Dean once he was out of earshot.

'He's Cas, he's always okay.' Dean reassured reaching for another slice of pizza.

Cas came back into the room carrying two packs of beers, he placed them on the table and went to leave again.

'Hey, sit with us.' Sam said before his friend could leave. Cas turned and looked a little apprehensive but Dean shot him a thumbs up and a calm smile. He sat back down at the table as Dean started the conversation. 

'So. I'm thinking it's time for another hunt.' He started.

'You only just walked through the door!' Sam argued back. 

'I ain't gonna be young and pretty forever. This is my prime.' Dean joked back and reached for Sam's laptop. 'You seen any possible cases? Cas and I could do the field work, you hang back and research til you're better.' Dean offered and pushed the laptop towards Sam.

He nodded eagerly before pulling up the web-page. 'Apparently, there's been strange activity in Kearney, Nebraska.' Sam started before Dean interrupted. 'That's what two hours away?' Dean asked. 

Sam gave him a look before continuing. 'Yeah. Half of the teachers in the local high-school quit at the start of the semester, since then students have been disappearing. And get this, there's been ghost sighting in the building over the last few weeks..' Sam finished and smiled at Dean with a hint of pride.

'A ghost?' Dean asked. 'What'd they want with high-school kids?' He asked as Sam pulled up a new page on the screen.

'All the students that have vanished have been sixteen year old girls.' Sam shut the laptop and looked over the table at Cas who was watching the situation closely. 

'So some perverted ghost is after high-school virgins. Not bad. Any idea who the dude is?' Dean asked reaching into his duffel bag and placing his machete on the table before grabbing a rock-salt gun and sliding that in instead. 

'Old janitor maybe. Said he died a few years back. Might be holding a grudge?' Sam said as he watched Dean pack up his bag.

'You going tonight?' He asked in slight shock at the speed Dean was moving.

'I'm not having virgins in danger Sam. This is red alert.' He said seriously then broke into a wide grin and moved to pat Cas' shoulder. 'You good to go in a few hours? Get washed up then we'll head out.' Dean said before grabbing his bag and moving to his room to change his clothes.

-

Cas made his way back to his room in the bunker, his hands shaking slightly as he pushed the door open and made his way to sit on the bed. His wound was started to hurt but he knew to push it away. They had to work quickly and finish another trial tonight. He decided to take Dean's advice and went to have a quick shower, taking off his coat and jacket felt almost foreign to him. His shirt was lightly stained with blood and he winced at the feeling of his skin stretching across his bones. Not thinking too deeply he stepped out the rest of his clothes and stood in the shower, letting the water wash over his body as he shook.

Dean decided that he needed to nap, all the driving had really taken it out on him. Just an hour would be enough for him to recharge. Kicking off his boots and flipping his jacket over a chair he slid himself between the sheets and let sleep take over. 

Cas stepped out the shower, the pain in his arm had lessened significantly from the warm water. Putting his shirt, tie and jacket back on he slowly left the bathroom and sat on the bed again. His feet propped up and arms behind his head as he waited for Dean to call.

Dean jolted awake with a little gasp and quickly moved to check the time. He'd been out for just over an hour. Standing up he shrugged off the rest of his clothes and went to have a quick shower. Thinking over the details of the hunt and how to take down the pervert janitor. He laughed to himself as he hopped out the shower and changed into a clean flannel and jeans.

'Morning sunshine!' Dean called as he knocked on the door of Cas room. He pushed the door open to see Cas grabbed his bag and making his way to greet Dean.  
'What's in the bag?' Dean asked moving out the way as he passed.

'FBI uniform.' Cas stated before moving to locate Sam to get the full story of the case.

Sam was sat in the war room looking at something on his laptop screen. 'You two off?' He asked as the two trailed into the room. 

'Yup.' Dean grinned before moving around to pull the blanket back on his brother's shoulder.

'You call if you need anything. We should be back about lunch tomorrow. If all goes to plan.' Dean said and pushed a beer bottle towards his brother.

'Okay. I'll text you details.' Sam said before standing up, his once strong arms seeming a bit weak as he pulled his older brother into a hug. He smiled and reached to hug Castiel as well. 'Stay safe, yeah.' He concluded and smiled as he watched the two move up the steps and out into the early evening.

-

'It's just under two hours to Kearney?' Cas asked as the two pulled out onto the highway.

Dean nodded. 'Yeah. I was thinking find a bar, have a couple drinks and an early night, take on the trial then salt and burn the perv tomorrow. Sound good?' He asked as Cas rested his head against the window.

'Sounds good.' Cas repeated before moving so his legs were crossed and arms rested across his chest. 'So the next trial.' He began. 'As far as I can tell, it'll be a memory of mine.' 

Dean turned down the radio slightly as he listened more intently. 'Go on.'

'As you know, I've lived for a millennia, so it could be anything.' Cas said and looked over at Dean.

'So we could run into some dinosaurs. Or cowboys?' Dean asked, his eyes lighting up slightly at the thought.

Cas frowned for a few seconds before humouring his friend. 'Perhaps.' He concluded.

-

Two hours later and the duo pulled up to Kearney. It wasn't a five star event, but then again hunts never were. Dean pulled up into 'Jersey's Sports Bar & Grill' with a light scowl. 'This is as good as it's gonna get.' He reminded Cas as the pair made their way across the parking lot. 

Dean found a small booth near the kitchen and ordered himself a large steak to get the evening going. 'First order of business!' He smiled and looked over to Cas.

'You want something?' The waiter asked as Cas just shook his head and leaned into the table more. 

-

Dean happily chewed on his steak and read over the messages Sam had sent about the case. Dean had instantly coined the phrase 'pervert janitor'. 

Cas sat somewhat remorsefully as Dean finished the last drop of his drink and the rest of the steak. 'You ready to go?' He asked catching Cas' blue eyes again. 

'Of course.' Cas replied and made a move to leave the bar. Dean threw some bills down on the table and they made their way out to the Impala. 'There's a motel around here somewhere.' Cas said as Dean grunted a reply.

-

The motel wasn't quite as fancy as the one in Springfield but that was just hunters luck. Dean walked in and tossed his bag away carelessly, he didn't bother to remove his jacket or boots, just threw himself in bed. 'I need my beauty rest.' He declared before turning over and falling asleep.

Cas looked at Dean for a few moments before stiffly rolling his eyes and pulling off his shoes, coat and jacket just as before. He moved to the en-suite and washed his hands before going to take a seat on the bed. Surprisingly he was tired. Without much thought he tucked himself into bed and willed himself to sleep. 

-

'Dean?!' Cas called looking around. It was silent and there were no lights, no woods, no flag. Nothing. Cas shook involuntarily and closed his eyes, trying to find where Dean could be. 

'Dean?' He called again, with less power and more worry in his tone. He squeezed his hand tightly, trying to retrace where he had cut his palm yesterday. Come on.

The air started to become cold. Like it had suddenly changed from summer to winter. Cas shivered again as he tried to make out something in the darkness. Still nothing. He reached to pull his coat around him before realising he wasn't wearing it, in fact he wasn't wear a jacket or shoes either. He sighed and called out for Dean again. He couldn't mess this up. 

The air started to practically freeze over as rain droplets started to fall onto Cas' white shirt. The rain changed to snow and Cas took off running. He didn't know where he was going. He just knew he had to find Dean. 

The snow started to gather around his ankles as he ran. He felt as though he was suffocating before he ran right into something, someone.

'Cas?' Dean's gruff voice asked as Cas took a deep breath in and steadied his emotions. 

He reached out and grabbed hold of Dean's jacket. Anything to try and keep him warm in the darkness. Dean in return pulled Cas into a sideways hug as he led them both further down the road.

'How'd you find me?' Cas asked, his fingers and toes becoming frozen in the weather.

'I just, I don't know..' Dean said honestly, he wasn't sure how. 'Where are we?' He asked searching around in the darkness.

'A m-memory.' Cas replied as he tried to straighten himself against Dean's warm body. 

'Which one?' Dean asked as Cas shook his head furiously, trying to rid himself of the memory. Dean gripped Cas' trembling body in his large hands and cupped the back of his head, his eyes frantically searching for ocean blues in the darkness.

'Castiel.' He warned as he shook his friend.

'Heaven.' Cas said with a shaky breath. 'When I ran.' He finished. As if someone had magically turned a light switch there was a great force of white surrounding the two.

Dean gulped and looked around, they were in a corridor, it was almost blinding how white everything was. 'What's happening? Is this Heaven?' Dean asked looking up and down the corridor before his eyes came back to Cas. 

Cas trembled as he lowered himself against a wall, his body freezing cold. He was numb. Dean didn't think twice as he shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around his friend with a weak smile. 'How'd we get outta here?' He asked carefully after making sure there was no immediate harm done. 

'It's like how you had to fight off those creatures in the woods yesterday. That was your memory to face.' Cas paused. 'This is mine.' He finished before pushing himself off the wall. 'I have to get out of Heaven again.' He mumbled and held onto Dean's wrist as he stood shaking.

'Come on.' Dean said was a hint of pain in his tone. Cas looked left and right before moving down the corridor. He'd been to Heaven many times since he had first left, he knew he wasn't welcomed there. He had sacrificed so much for the Winchesters. He was okay with that.

'Is everyone's Heaven here?' Dean asked carefully as the pair shuffled down the silent corridor. 

'Yes...unless they are in Hell or Purgatory of course.' Cas mumbled as he started to heat up slightly. 

'Is Da-John here?' Dean asked as he stopped in the corridor, his eyes looking over to the angel, a lump forming in his throat.

'Dean, this isn't the time-'

'Is he here?'

'Yes. He's here Dean.' Cas replied.

'What's it like-his Heaven?' Dean asked with a slight watering in his eyes.

'You. You and Sam and Mary. As if nothing ever happened. No angels, no demons.' He finished as they rounded a corner. Dean's grip on his arm tightened every so slightly as he took in what Cas had said. 

'Thank you.' Dean replied. 'How'd we get out of here?' He changed the subject as fast as possible.

'I'm not sure. Sam was there to guide you.' Cas breathed heavily as the corridors seemed to stretch on forever.

'Nice of you to join.' A voice called as Cas whipped around quickly. He went to grip Dean's arm but found he was no where in sight. Panic rose in his lungs as he leaned back against the wall and breathed heavily.

'You're not real.' Cas said before turning to face the voice. There stood Dean Winchester.

'This isn't a memory Cassie, this is a nightmare.' Fake Dean said with an evil smirk pulling at his lips. 

Cas started to back down the corridor, he wasn't sure where he was going but anywhere was better than facing this.

'That's it. Run away, that's all you're good at.' Dean replied as his footsteps mirrored the angels.

Cas tried pushing open doors as his body moved painfully slowly down the long corridors.

'I should have killed you when I had the chance.' Dean shouted as he started to bang on the walls. Each stride seemed to be double the length of Cas'.

'I remember feeling your blood on my hands. I enjoyed it.' Dean practically roared as he drew closer to the angel. 'It's funny really. You're still no closer to Heaven.' Dean threatened as he stood eye-level with the shaking angel.

Dean recoiled his arm and punched Cas straight in the mouth, blood came rushing past his teeth and he staggered back a few paces trying to regain himself. He knew it wasn't real Dean but he still couldn't find it in himself to fight back.

'You're so pathetic. You're just a solider and a bad one at that.' Spit flew out of Dean's mouth as he pulled back his arm again. 'Can't even fight back, that's how broken you are.' He chuckled and punched Cas between the eyes. 

Dean grinned to himself as Cas turned away to shield his face. Onslaughts of punches came one after the other as Cas struggled for breath. 'Dean!' Cas called out, trying desperately to connect with the real Dean again. He squeezed his palm tight and closed his eyes. 

Dean's punches didn't stop as tears grew in Cas' eyes. He stumbled backwards even further until he hit a wall and started to slide down. Dean grabbed his jacket collar and brought him up, their foreheads almost touching at how close they were stood together. 'You're not worth it.' Dean said before dropping Cas to the floor and kicking him hard straight in the stomach, effectively winding him.

'Dean please!' Cas whispered as he braced himself for another punch.

There was silence again as Cas laid against the wall, his body shaking as tears ran down his bloody face.

'Cas? What happened?' A voice called from down the corridor. Cas didn't bother to open his eyes, it was just another trick. 

'Castiel look at me you idiot.' The voice called as Cas carefully opened his eyes. His ocean blues were met with forest greens. He took a breath before collapsing against his friend. That was the real Dean.

'You just vanished. I couldn't find you.' Dean said, tears clear in his eyes. He hated to see his friends in pain. Especially Cas. 'Stand up for me.' He instructed as he pulled up his friend, flashbacks to yesterday bounced around his mind as the duo walked down the corridor together.

'I did it Dean. I faced my nightmare, my trial.' Cas mumbled coughing out blood as he gripped onto him for support. Dean's arm came to rest around Cas' waist as they made it to the end of the corridor. 

'Son of a bitch!' Dean grunted as he looked around quickly. Cas choked out a response as Dean continued. 'There was a door here before. It was gold.' He kicked the wall in front of him in anger.

There was a creaking sound behind the men. Dean carefully turned, the angel still clutching onto his side as they moved. There before them was a large gold door, an ironic 'EXIT' sign was etched onto the wall above it. If Dean hadn't been so worried he may have found it in himself to laugh. 

'Let's get you back.' Dean grunted and started to push them both forward. His large hand wrapping around the door knob. He sighed in relief as he turned it and walked them both through. Just as before there was a large white light.

'Dean no!' Cas shouted as he covered his eyes. The blood still wet and dripping as it mixed with his fresh tears. 

'What?' Dean asked.

'I can't go. Don't. Don't take me home.' He said before the white got too bright.

-

This time Dean wasn't the first to wake up. When he did he jolted straight up in the bed, his body aching and burning. He ignored the pain and looked right over at Cas who was sat on the bed, facing away, his head in his hands, blood clearly dripping down onto his white shirt.

'Cas?' Dean asked worriedly as he moved around the other side of the bed, looking at the angel.

'Dean.' Cas started. 'I can't go home.'


	4. i was scared and i'm sorry

'Cas?' Dean asked as he sat on the bed next to his friend, carefully reaching out to press his large palm against his shaking shoulder. 'What did you see? Why can't you go home?' He asked, his eyes closed slightly trying to recall the memory.

Cas hands dropped from his face as he sat up and looked over at Dean a lump forming in his face as he swallowed the blood in his mouth before speaking. 'I saw something I wanted to forget.' He started, his eyes opening and closing slowly as he breathed heavily.

'It's not real Cas, whatever you're seeing on God's green earth, it ain't real.' Dean offered in his best aggressive but comforting voice. 

Cas shook slightly has his hands moved back into his hair before pulling at the roots with a grunt. 'You don't know what it's like,' he began angrily, 'to be afraid to fall asleep.' He finished and looked over to see Dean's nose crinkled up in distaste. 

Dean wanted to shout, he wanted to scream and tell Cas that he knew what it was like. He wanted to grab the angel by the shoulder and slam him into the wall. He didn't, of course he didn't. 'Cas, there's only two more trials left..' He trailed of realising he had not offered any comfort.

'You don't know what I saw, Dean.' Cas stated, carefully touching his face, his hands now covered in blood.

'I don't want to know.' Dean said before standing up and moving to his duffel bag, grabbing some bandages and plasters. He moved to kneel in from of Cas and gently took hold of his shoulders, pressing them back gently to gain a better view of his face. His eyes are swollen, both from the crying and the attack. 'Who did this?' Dean asked as he scrubbed off some of the dried blood. 

'I don't know. It went black.' Cas said before looking into green eyes with a hint of despair. Dean just nodded his head and quietly accepted the answer before reaching to pull out a needle and thread again. 'Gonna sow up that lip now..' Dean said before moving closer to the angel to patch him up. 

'Thank you Dean.' Cas said as he reached over to pull off his shirt completely and retrieve the spare one he had bought with him. 'You don't have to always sow me up.' He said almost ashamed. 

'When you've got your mojo back I won't be. Don't get used to it.' Dean broke out into a wide grin as he re-tied his boots and stood up stretching. 'I need some food then we better go save some virgins.' He smirked and moved to hand Cas his coat for him.

'Food sounds good.' Cas said with a small smile causing Dean to frown. When did angels need to eat. He pushed the thought aside as his cell phone started the ring, he cleared his throat and reached for it.

'Hello.' It was Sam. 'How you feeling?' He asked checking in on his younger brother.

'A lot better yeah, I got up and made myself a salad fro lunch.' Dean's nose crinkled at the though, Sam was definitely starting to feel better. 

'How's the case?' Sam asked down the line. Dean breathed out a sigh in relief. 

'We're about to head out now. Pervert Janitor here we come!' He said with a smirk and heard Sam sigh. 

'Okay. You going to be back for tonight?' Sam asked as Dean heard him open a beer bottle.

'Should be if you stop talking.' Dean joked. 'See you later.' He hung up the phone and turned to Cas who was putting on his FBI uniform. 'Good idea.' Dean said and reached for his duffel bag and moving to the en suite to get changed.

-

The two entered the small diner just before 10am. Dean demanded that if Cas was hungry he had to have pancakes. So he did. 

'These are great!' Cas happily declared through a mouth-full of the food.

'You don't know what you're missing angel boy.' Dean said and tucked into his food as well. 

-

Dean's right hand gripped the wheel loosely as his left tucked the collar of his shirt down around his tie. 'Stop off at the high-school, salt and burn, back before bed.' Dean said as he looked over at Cas, he had done his best to sow up his friend, there was a small cut on his lip that had been sowed up and his left eye was slightly purple, other than that he was as good as new. 

The Impala rattled down the school's long drive was as Cas took a large breath. 'What's the plan?' He asked looking down at his crisp white shirt, glad that he had remembered to bring a spare one to save his bloody embarrassment. 

'We're FBI Agents, finding out where the local teenage girls have vanished to.' Dean said was a small chuckle as they pulled up to the main building. 

Dean was the first to get out and head into the building, his fake FBI badge out of his pocket and ready to flash at the young woman behind the reception desk. 'Agents Foster and Porter, FBI. We're here about the missing girls. Clearing up any loose-ends the local department left.' Dean said with a smile as Cas stood apprehensively behind him. 

'And how can I help you with that?' The woman asked, a hint of sass coming across as Dean did a double-take. 

'You can help by listing all the students that have gone missing and their teachers. Please.' Dean said in a warning tone as he looked over to Cas. 'Meanwhile, we will have a walk around.' He finished and willed Cas over with his eyes. 

The woman nodded and reached for a pen and paper. Agents Foster and Porter made their way down the corridor. 'Dean?' Cas asked as they past the cafe. Dean paused and turned to look at his friend. 

'What's up?' Dean questioned, his eyes laced with concern and worry.

'I have been thinking..'

'That's dangerous.'

'Dean. I have been thinking about the next trial. I know what will happen.' Cas said as the two made their way down another corridor.

'It might not happen, whatever you saw.' Dean pursed his lips and pulled out his EMF detector. It made no sound. 

'No, I mean with me Dean. I know what's happening.' Cas clarified, his head bowing as he trailed behind Dean like a child.

'What'd you mean?' Dean wondered, not entirely paying attention more confused about the ghost, or more accurately lack of.

'The spell, it required the grace of an angel.' Cas mumbled to himself as Dean stopped dead in his tracks. He turned around and looked down at his friend.

'What?!' He asked, not really understanding but still worried about what that meant.

Cas took a breath to steady himself as he moved to lean on the wall. 'An angels grace was the last part of the spell. It was easy to gather all the other ingredient.'

'So you just thought you would throw your entire angel-ness away for one spell?!' Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing. 'Why would you do that? We could have found another way Cas.' Dean threw his hands in the air he turned in the other direction. 

'Sam only had a week left. There wasn't enough time to find another cure. It was my fault he'd been cursed, so I put my mistake right.' Cas said taking a step towards Dean and pulling his left arm around so the two faced each other.

'You sacrifice too much for us Cas.' Dean said before grabbing both the angel's arms in his strong hands and pulling him inwards for a hug. Cas relaxed against Dean's body and let out a small shaky breath. 

'I couldn't leave him to die.' Cas mumbled, his head still pressed against Dean's shoulder.

'We will find a way to get your grace back Cas. You did it before, we can do it.' Dean offered looking hopeful. Cas knew it was almost impossible to get his or any other grace, but for the sake of keeping up appearances he nodded his head and smiled at Dean. Anything to make him believe that it would be okay. 

'We'll talk about this later.' Dean said as the women from reception approached them.

'Got those names sweetheart?' Dean asked as the woman handed him the piece of paper. She blushed slightly and smiled at the taller man. 

'Right here.' She said smiling again before moving away in a trance. Dean shook his head with a fond smile and made a mental note to get her number later.

'The EMF ain't picking up shit.' Dean mumbled once she had moved out of ear-shot. 

'I do not sense any spirits here.' Cas said looking around and fully taking in the building.

'Why'd those kids go missing then?' Dean asked in a huff as he tucked the detector back into his jacket pocket with a frown.

'Local festival on a few towns over.' A voice came from behind the pair. Dean shifted and saw the receptionist stood with her hand on her hip. 'Spirits? What kind of FBI Agents are you?' She asked looking both sassy and worried.

'The fake kind.' Dean said before making his way past the woman, the thought of switching numbers distant in his head. Cas trailed behind with a hint of apprehension as he followed the taller man out of the building.

'So much for ganking some pervert janitor!' Dean joked with a laugh, throwing his head back and exposing his adam's apple. Cas swallowed hard. 

'Come on, let's get back.' He continued pulling the Impala's keys out of his pocket before settling himself into the drivers seat. Cas nodded to himself and made a move for the passenger's side.

The ride back was filled with loud rock music and Dean looking surprisingly happy with himself. 'What's so funny?' Cas asked not fully understanding the humour of the situation. 

'We rushed out all guns blazing ready to take on some perv when really it's just some kids catching a break for double algebra.' Dean laughed again, his hand moving to slap the steering wheel with a smirk. It was all for show, of course. As long as he smiled and acted like everything was okay then Cas would be okay too. 

'Yeah, it was rather funny.' Cas agreed laughing so hard his gums showed and his stomach started to ache.

-

'Sammy?' Dean called as he pushed open the bunkers door, Cas closely trailing behind him. 

'U-oH W-what?' Sam answered quickly shutting down his laptop screen and turning slightly in his chair.

'We interrupting something?' Dean asked, placing his bag on the table with a smirk to his younger brother. 

'No, no just research. That's all.' Sam confirmed with a blush and a chuckle.

'Sure. I believe you. What's for lunch?' Dean asked patting his brother back and making his way into the kitchen.

'Either vegetable soup and salad.' Sam paused to hear a 'hell no' from Dean before continuing '..Or we could order some Chinese, there's a new takeout place over on main street apparently.' Dean nodded his head eagerly at the thought. 

'Takeout it is.' Sam smirked before standing up and grabbing his coat.

'Where are you going?' Cas asked reaching out and touching his friend's arm gently.

'Getting the food.' Sam started. 'Unless you wanna just magic us over there?' He asked with a small smile. 

Cas' breath caught in his throat at the thought, he wasn't even sure if he could teleport anymore.

'Uh.' Cas started.

'Give the dude a break man!' Came Dean's laughter as he entered the room and patted his brother's back. 'He's been flying around all day. Take Baby. Drive.' Dean finished and pushed the keys into Sam's hand. 

'You not coming?' Sam asked looking over at his brother with a frown. 

'Nah I gotta shower and get some beauty sleep. Get my usual.' Dean said before making his way down the hall to his room.

'Okay! Come on.' Sam said before making his way out to the car.

-

The driver wasn't as awkward as Cas had thought it would be, the radio was gently playing in the background as they pulled up to the store.

'Wait in the car, I'll grab the order.' Sam said as he pushed his long legs out of the car. Cas nodded more to himself than anyone else.

Sam came back to the car, both his arms filled with sweet-smelling Chinese. Cas' head perked up as Sam passed him the food.

'I'm worried about Dean.' Sam said after the pair had pulled out of the parking-lot.

'Why?'Cas asked not understanding what could be wrong with Dean.

'He's been going out on hunts a lot lately. All the way to West Virginia for a vamps nest?' He questioned the angel with a look of disbelief.

'You've gone further on less Sam. It's good for him to back out doing things. Saving people.' Cas commented as he looked over as Sam's profile in the half-light.

Sam slumped against the car's dark seats as he nodded. 'I guess you're right. It's just he's my brother, we don't have much in this world, you know. I just want to know that he's safe. That you're safe.' Sam concluded as he turned and smiled at his friend.

'You have nothing to fear.' Cas smiled back.

-

'Is that my dinner I smell?' Came Dean's voice as the pair made their way back into the bunker.

'Wait until it's plated up, Dean.' Sam said moving to grab the plates from the kitchen.

'Okay Mom. Jesus.' Dean shouted as he heard Sam chuckle from the kitchen.

'You okay, man?' Dean asked as Cas took a seat at the table.

'Yeah, just..tired that's all.' Cas said with a sad look towards the floor.

'Don't worry, it'll be over soon.' He reached out and patted his friends shoulder.

-

'Well I'm stuffed.' Sam said with a laugh as Dean nodded his head. He gathered up the plates and wrappers, binning the rubbish and patted Sam on the back.

'Time for bed I think.' He helped Sam from the table and walked him to his room before returning to help Cas as well. 

'You need to stop worrying Cas. Whatever you saw, it might not happen. It's unpredictable, we don't know how this will work out.' Dean said as he leaned against his friend's doorway, his arms crossed over his chest, a small smile pulling at his lips. 'Don't panic until it's happening.' He winked and made his way to his own room.

His hands shook as he removed his button-down shirt. Truth be told, he was scared shit-less. He saw what that last trial had done to Cas, he couldn't put him through it again. Cas was like Dean's other brother, he would do anything for him, he had made that decision a long time ago. Shaking his head of those thoughts he pulled himself into bed and prepared for the hardest night of his life.

\- 

When Dean woke up his head felt like cotton wool had been stuffed in his ears. He bent forward and shook himself. He didn't have time to deal with this, he had to find Cas. With a sigh he opened his eyes to see a cabin someways up the road. Squinting his eyes he saw the light was on in one of the windows. Without hesitation he started to walk towards the cabin, all the while looking left and right, trying to find Cas.

When Dean finally reached the cabin he peered in through the closest window to see a scene that shook him to his very core. Cas was sat at a table, his face calm and relaxed, an almost smile pulling at his lips. Dean frowned and moved forward to get a better look into the dimly lit room. In the corner of his eye he could see a figure moving closer to the table, he couldn't make out who it was but he could see Cas' facial expressions changing from calm to madness and panic within seconds. 

Dean made a lunge for the door, his large hands pulling at the handle to tear the wood from the frame but it would not budge. He kicked and shouted as he tried to break the door down. Hell if he would be locked outside when his friend was in trouble. He rushed back to the window to see the figure almost dancing around Cas' terrified body. He throw himself at the glass, doing anything he could to break through. The glass was as thick as ice, Dean couldn't do a damn thing. 

'CASTIEL PLEASE!' Dean shouted, using all the power he could muster, throwing himself at the window again as he shook with rage. Studying the scene further he could see Cas' body being thrown side to side across the room, his eyes a mixture of pure fear and yet an also familiar looking pleading. 

Tear's were free falling down Dean's cheeks, he stood outside in the cold, his heart practically breaking as he watched his best friend get torn to pieces right in front of his eyes. 

There was a low noise coming from behind Dean but he didn't bother to turn around, what did he have left to care about anyway? He was going to lose his best friend and his brother would subsequently die. 

The ground started to shake beneath his feet and his heart started to race, thumping against his chest and he heaved and pushes himself against the glass one last time. The floor-boards in the cabin started to crack and pull apart , exposing the earth below the old structure. Dean kept pushing against the window until it started to crack under his weight,he started to call out for his friend again.

'Cas! Don't worry, I've got you. I'm here!' He pushed through a crack in one of the glass panels and reached over to grab Cas. The figure had long been sucked back down into the earth. Dean couldn't care less at the moment. His focus was purely on his friend.

'Are you okay?' Dean asked, hints of worrying washing over him as Cas didn't move from his position, hunch up on the floor, the colour drained from his face.

'Please Cas. Talk to me. Please.' Dean begged as he lightly shook the former angel, his hands holding onto the lapels of his jacket, his tear's falling softly on his cheeks as he shook. The ground still shaking beneath him as he sat and sobbed, sat and mourned his friend once more. Dean sat and waited from the earthquake, the cabin's walls shook, the plaster peeling itself from the walls. The fireplace was pulled apart and cracked under the harsh conditions of the weather. 

Dean didn't move until he was jolted awake. He didn't think twice as he dragged his aching body down the hallway, his legs almost collapsing as he pushed the door open and ran over to Cas' bed. Fresh tears running down his face as he called his friend's name. 'Castiel, please, anything. I-I need you. Come on.' Dean begged and pleaded as he took his friend hand in his own. Wishing more than anything he would roll over and wake up.


End file.
